Wednesday, July 27, 2011

My imagination is a jerk.

So, last night when I got home at midnight from babysitting, I found something not so pleasant. I was locked out of my house. All doors were locked, the keypad was dead, and all open windows were too high to reach. I  called each member of my family's cell phones twice. I called the house phone twice. And, when there was no answer, I decided, "well, it's past midnight and I'm really tired and just want to go to bed. I'm just gonna sleep out here. I'm tough. I can handle it!" (FALSE!) So, I went back into the garage, grabbed a sleeping bag and a camping pillow, and lay down on one of the lounge chairs on the back porch. I read my scriptures on my phone, turned on some music on my iPod and tried to fall asleep. (I made sure good old Mud was sleeping next to me to make sure I didn't get eaten by our local cougar) However, my calm attitude about this whole ordeal was shattered like a crystal glass thrown against a brick wall when Mud quickly stood up and started to push me out of my "bed" with his head while very disturbing noises were coming from the opposite end of the porch. When I didn't respond to his attempts to get me up and I only burrowed deeper into my sleeping bag (at this point totally freaked out), he just turned around and watched whatever it was that was preparing to pounce upon me and eat me for a late-night snack. I tried not to imagine what it was but it was impossible. My wild imagination just took control, At first I thought it was my cat. "She goes hunting at night and I can't see whatever it is so it must be small... But, Mud wouldn't be acting like that towards Lucy... He knows her. Maybe it's a skunk... That would suck... But at least skunks can't eat me. Only make me smell like heck for a week. [a few minutes later] No. There's no way that's a Lucy OR a skunk. I can't see it but nothing as small as a cat could make noises like that... Oh my heck! What if it is a cat? Just a really really big mean cat called a freaking cougar?" At this point, I had already turned off my iPod so my already oversensitive ears could hear every rustle of the grass and I could be ready to scream and I was now whipping my phone back out to again attempt calling my family to the rescue. I could hear the phone ringing loudly inside but no feet running to answer it. I hung up and tried again. No answer. I tried again. Nothing. I was delusional. I wondered if someone would finally answer the phone before I was torn to shreds by the vicious animal currently making its plan of attack only ten feet away. I tried not to cry and was mostly successful but I didn't stop calling over and over. Finally, at 1 o'clock, Alex answered the phone. However instead of "oh my gosh are you okay?!", I got a "Stop calling!!" and her hanging up on me. After calling her back three more times, she finally came to my rescue. I tripped on my sleeping bag as I ran inside as fast as I could only to find her staring at me with an obvious "What the heck?!" on her face. I just ignored her and walked away. By the time I had washed my face and brushed my teeth, my imagination was too active to fall asleep so I lay in bed reading random blogs and watching the new trailer for Doctor Who. At last, at 2 o'clock in the morning, my brain began to wind down and I fell asleep. Thank goodness!

My advice to you all now: If you want to avoid occurrences like this and maintain the ability to keep your imagination in check (and not come off as a total wacko!), don't read suspense novels while babysitting late at night with the power out and then come home only to be locked out of your house.

4 comments:

Catie said...

Ha ha ha Bronwen made me smile so much! Ha ha oh my word, I'm so sorry that you had to endure that, imaginations can be awful frightening, but man what a story! And you told it very well too. I love you dear.

Mayson said...

Sorry dear, but I totally laughed, out loud. I imagined this so very well in my head. I also could imagine you totally freaking out. That's a splendid but really not so splendid story.

Bronwenshea said...

Well, I'm at least someone got some enjoyment out of that experience :)

Aubrey Noelle said...

Thank you for making my day a gajillion times better :)